


Don't Break The       Thread

by TRfanfic



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Frustration, Kisses, Romance, Shameless Seduction, fem slash, proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-04-21 11:09:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14283612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TRfanfic/pseuds/TRfanfic
Summary: Will a life with Patsy be enough for Delia, even if they can never marry?  Patsy has to find out, even if it means the end.Angst with fluff to follow.Second chapter rated M!





	1. Don't break my heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nicole Dittrich](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Nicole+Dittrich).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set between Episode 7 and 8 in Series 4. Remembering Delia's declaration outside the tea room, Patsy takes action. She doesn't want to lose her, but what can she do when society won't accept them? Will she be enough for Delia even if they can never marry?

Set between Episode 7 and 8 in Series 4. Remembering Delia's declaration outside the tea room, Patsy takes action. She doesn't want to lose her, but what can she do when society won't accept them? Will she be enough for Delia even if they can never marry?

Don't break the Thread

By TR

Patsy rolled her shoulders, took a deep breath and let it out slowly. This was it, for better or for worse, this day would dictate the course of the rest of her life. Whatever happened, she would survive it. She had survived more than most despite her young age. She could survive losing Delia. It would tear her apart, but if Delia chose to walk away, to choose the safe and easy route, she would have to accept it. She wouldn't blame her. Not really. Patsy knew she didn't have much to offer, and a heart like Delia's needed someone who could be all in.

Delia never did anything by half. When she loved, she loved hard and strong and open and…oh so sweetly. Patsy's eyes fell shut, as the warmth of memory settled over her. The way her heart stuttered, and then finally felt at home the first time Delia wrapped her arms around her. The first time they'd given in and sank into a kiss that left them both equally breathless and begging for more. The first time Delia held her, kissed her hair, comforted her in the middle of the night. Those moments were burned on her heart, in her mind.

Patsy wondered how they had gotten to this place. What had changed, that Delia would think it easier to marry someone else. A man. She wondered, after all this time, after everything they had shared, if Delia still didn't know the depth of her love and commitment. Didn't she know that in a perfect world they would have been married long ago? Didn't she know that Patsy would spend her whole life loving her? Even if she walked away. Even if she chose to take the easy and safe road, Patsy would go to her grave loving her with everything she had. But everything she had, couldn't be shown. Everything she had, may simply not be enough for Delia. In a society where they could lose so much by the simplest innuendo, to show even a smidgen of what was truly between them would be too much of a risk. Patsy took another shaky breath, and wondered not for the first time if she would be willing to take that risk, take any risk, to keep the woman she loved. How could she have a life with Delia, and still protect her from consequences of the love they shared?

She didn't know the answer. Maybe she would never know. What she did know is that Delia wanted to marry her. Whether they could marry or not was irrelevant. It's what Delia wanted. As she had told her just three nights before through angry and frustrated and heartbroken tears. She said she wanted it more than anything. More than anything? More than being safe and respected in society? More than being a nurse? More than having the love and acceptance of her family?

She stepped through the gates of the park, and headed toward their rickety old bench near the secluded side of the duck pond. She saw Delia sitting sideways with her elbow propped on the back of the bench. Her cheek resting on her fist, looking down at the pages of the book she was holding. One of her knees was drawn up over the other, as she had settled in and waited for Patsy. Patsy took a moment to take her in. To watch the breeze ruffle her hair. To see the outline of her form glowing in the light of the setting sun. Even sitting on the bench curled up and reading, she took Patsy's breath away. Just like she did when she was wearing her uniform, or dressed up for a night out on the town, or silhouetted in the dark of the theater when they went to the pictures, or in her pajamas at the end of a long day, or…every minute, and at all times.

Her heart welled up, and in that moment she would have given the whole world to that beautiful and headstrong and vulnerable woman sitting on their bench immersed in a book. She would give her the world, consequences be damned.

"Delia?" she said, walking toward the bench.

Delia raised her head, and while her heart was still in turmoil, she couldn't help but return Patsy's smile. There was something different about it. Something hopeful and determined, that helped to settle the butterflies in her stomach. She shifted in her seat, stowing her book and putting her feet on the ground.

"Hello Patsy," she said simply.

Patsy held her eyes as she took the seat next to her. For a moment neither of them spoke, then Delia shifted and looked toward the pond. She shook her head, her eyes falling to study the pattern of her skirt, before looking back up to watch the sunset reflecting on the water.

"I feel like I have so many things I want to say to you, but I have no idea what any of them are." She gave a half laugh. "It sounds odd I know. I just…"

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to," Patsy replied. "You said your piece three nights ago."

"Yes I did," she said quietly. "And I didn't hear from you until this morning."

Patsy's eyes widened. "Deels." She touched her arm. "Hey, look at me."

Delia turned to face her, and Patsy saw the same mix of frustration and sorrow that she had seen outside the tea room when they had spoken. Except this time there was hurt, and challenge, and a wariness that Patsy had never seen before.

To Delia's surprise, Patsy took her hand. "I just needed a day or two. That's all. Just to get my thoughts in order. I didn't know what I was supposed to say to you." She looked down at their clasped hands, let her thumb move over Delia's fingers in a rare caress. "You just…you just said "that's that" and walked off. I didn't know what to say, because you're right. We can't marry. You're right, it may very well be easier for you to…" Patsy took a shaky breath "…to marry someone else. But most of all I didn't know what to say because you said that you and I can never be, and to my mind, we already are."

Delia's lips pursed as she saw Patsy's eyes well up.

"Deels, what we have is real to me. It's the most real thing I've ever had in my life. I know I don't have much of anything to offer you." She gave an almost hopeless shrug. "I can't give you everything you need, but what I have to give is yours. I…" She cleared her throat. "I understand if you feel differently."

Delia watched as she forced the tears back, forced the panic back to its rightful place. She gave Patsy's hand a squeeze. "Is that what you think? That my feelings have changed?"

"I really don't know what to think."

Delia shook her head, gave a mirthless laugh. "I told you I want to marry you. I told you I want that more than anything. How exactly does that mean that my feelings have changed?" She pulled her hand away, and took Patsy by the shoulders. "I love you! You got that? I. LOVE. YOU!"

Patsy gave a sad smile. "I know you do. But is it enough? Deels, I want you to really think about that. Is it enough? Because we may never live in a world where we will be accepted. We may never live in a world where we can be open and honest about what we are to each other. I know you love me, and I love you, too! Oh, I love you," she breathed. "But will it be enough for you, if nothing ever changes? Can you live your whole life with me, knowing that you'll always have to wear that bloody façade?"

For long minutes Delia sat in thoughtful silence, brow furrowed. "Is it enough for you?"

Patsy looked her in the eye. "I'll take every minute with you that I can get, no matter what we have to face. But I understand if it's different for you. I truly do. You have so much more to lose if we are found out. I don't have a family to worry about. I have a trust fund from my father that I have never touched, but if I had to, I could live off that if I lost my job. I don't have a home and community like you do in Pembrokeshire to make me feel like an outcast." She shifted to face her more fully. "I want you to understand, that every time I've shied away from your touch in public, it has torn me up inside." Her eyes sparkled as she smiled, and leaned in conspiratorially. "If I had my way, I'd have my hands on you every chance I got." Delia blushed, and returned her smile. "I know I've worried about public perceptions, but I've done it to protect you. I'm not worried about me."

Delia sighed, and stood up, moving to the water's edge. Patsy saw her shake her head, and turn to face her. Even from that distance Patsy could see her eyes darken to the rich blue, that only meant passion and determination. "Well, stop ok?!" She threw her hands in the air, let them drop. "Stop protecting me! I'm a grown woman. I know the risks, I know what I could lose by loving you." Tears clouded her voice for just a moment before she pushed past them. "And I know what I could lose by losing you!" She moved back over to Patsy, dropped down in front of her. "Let me worry about me. I can keep quiet for both of our sakes. I can wear that bloody façade my whole life. I can bear all of that. I can bear anything, but having you pull away from me. If I reach for you in public, I know the risk I am taking. Let me take that risk!" She took her hand. Kissed it. "I can face whatever is in front of us, as long as I'm actually with you. What we have is enough for me. Having you, is enough for me! As long as I can actually have you!"

"Deels, you DO have me!" Patsy said, brow furrowed.

"No I don't. Not really. I want to come home to you. I want to wave you off in the morning and come home and close the door at night. I know we can't get married. Not legally anyway. But we can have everything but the certificate. That's what I want!"

Patsy smiled, and tugged her up to sit beside her once more, keeping hold of her hand. "Okay." Her smile widened. "Okay, it will take some time to work out our living arrangements, but first things first." With her free hand she took the velvet box from her pocket. "Delia, I don't know if the world will ever change for us. I don't know what lies ahead, but whatever happens, wherever I go, whatever I do, I want you to be with me. I want to live my whole life with you. Marry me! Whenever and however we can. I love you!"

Delia threw her arms around Patsy and was pleased when she held on tight, refusing to pull away, to look around in fear. "Yes," she whispered in her ear.

When Delia pulled back, Patsy opened the box. In it was a gold engagement ring with a raised center diamond and two smaller stones on each side. Secured beside it was a chain. Patsy took it from the box and slid it onto Delia's finger. "I got the chain for you to wear it in public. But for right now, I'll put it where it goes."

Delia beamed! "It's beautiful! I love it!"

"I'm so glad! It took me ever so long to choose!"

They both chuckled, then settled back in together, side by side and watched the sun dip below the horizon. Patsy's thumb traced the ring on Delia's hand, and for the first time in her life she felt as if everything was exactly as it should be.

End of Scene. Good? Bad? Camel breath? Let me know.


	2. The flat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patsy gets an unexpected message from her father that clears the way for her future with Delia.
> 
> Written for my favorite person who said this story needed a love scene. The lady gets what the lady wants! 
> 
> Rated M!!!

Patsy scrubbed her hands over her face, and picked up the telephone. She’d gotten a message a week ago that her father had phoned, asking to speak to her. He’d made it clear that it wasn’t an emergency, so she’d taken her time getting back to him. It was never easy with him in any setting, but phone communication was the worst between them. They both reverted to brusque cordiality by default, and their phone conversations more often than not devolved into tense discussions and misunderstandings. Without the benefit of seeing each other’s faces, of having the manners that presence provided them, they inevitably ended up snapping at each other. 

“James Mount.”

“Dad? I expected your secretary.”

“Patience! It’s nice to hear from you. She’s on luncheon.”

“Ah…” She wound the cord around her finger. “Well, I received a message that you wanted me to phone you…”

 

“Yes. I sent over the half yearly report on your trust fund and wanted to let you know that I’ve added some other…assets.”

“Assets?”

“Yes, I’ve been talking with Mr. Billingsley.”

“Your solicitor?”

“Yes, about your inheritance.”

“Dad…” She began.

“Patience,” his voice was equal parts exhaustion and warning. “I know that you want to make it on your own. I’ve respected that. It’s admirable to want to make your own way. But you’re going to inherit all of it. Everything I’ve built. There’s no way around that, given that we are the only Mounts left.” 

She sighed. “Yes, that’s true. Go on.”

His voice relaxed a smidge. “I procured a flat in Stepney as an investment last year when they began the rebuilding effort. I’m transferring that flat into your name and list of assets. According to Mr. Billingsley it’s much better to slowly transfer my holdings to you over time while we are both alive and well, than to leave you the whole lot when I die, and have you pay those murderous death duties. I know that’s relatively close to your work district, and it’s yours if you want it, or I can hire staff to maintain it in your absence.”

Patsy’s eyes lit up. This was just the opportunity she was looking for. “May I have a week or so to think about it? I’ll have to look at the practicalities, and talk to…”she hesitated, rethinking. “…my employer.”

If he read anything into her pause he didn’t let on. “I anticipated that. I’ll be sending the papers by courier, or you can come to the London office to sign them. It’s all rather simple.”

“If you’ll give me the address I can more easily work out the practicalities.”

“Of course,” she heard the smile in his voice, as he recited the address to her. “I’m sure you’ll find the flat more than pleasing for   
you, and…whomever you plan to share it with.”

Her voice rose an octave. “What makes you think I plan to share it?”

“Just hoped. I don’t want you to be alone.” Pause. “You won’t be alone, will you Patience?”

She knew he could tell a lie when he heard one, so she opted for the truth. “No, I won’t be.”

“Good,” he said with more warmth in his voice than she was used to. “I hope to meet her someday, if I can ever get myself back to London.”

Patsy had wondered over the years if her father knew of her inclinations. He’d dropped enough hints at it since she was 13 years old, but never came right out and said it. Only to once sternly warn her to keep her private life private, as close minded people could ruin her aspirations. She’d take that one to heart. In spades!

Now there was no need to wonder any more. And given his nonchalant, even genial attitude toward it, she assumed that like so many of the rich and famous people that he knew, that he simply didn’t care. Relief flooded her. 

“I’ll let her know you said that,” Is all she said. It was enough.

“Alright, I’ll wait to hear from you. Be well Patience.”

“You too Dad!”

Patsy hung up the phone and burst out into a wide grin! She’d called on her day off, just in case there was anything heavy to be handled. One never knew how a phone conversation with her father would end up. Now she had most of the day to think about how she was going to pose this to Delia, and what adjustments, if any, would need to be made. 

 

5 hours later

Delia’s feet hurt, and her back hurt, and her bum hurt, and her head was trying to join the party! All she wanted was a hot drink, a cozy bed, and Patsy. It had been one hell of a day! With a long sigh, she stepped into her room at the Nurse’s home, kicking off her shoes as she came in. 

“Pats?” She broke out in an exhausted and relieved smile. 

“Hello Deels,” she replied, standing to take Delia’s coat.

Delia’s brow creased, as she saw Patsy’s clothes. “Did we have a date tonight?”

“No. And good thing, you look like you could fall down and sleep where you stand.”

“Is it that obvious?” She deadpanned.

“Only to me I imagine.” She leaned in and gave Delia a soft kiss. “And I don’t think you’re any less adorable.”

“Well, thank you for that.” She began to peel off her uniform, and take out something more comfortable wear. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your company tonight?”

“I usually see you on my day off.” Patsy replied, kicking off her shoes and pulling her legs up underneath her.

“True, but there’s more to it this time. Spill Pats.”

“Come and settle in. This one is big.”

Delia studied her, but didn’t see any signs of distress. She made quick work of getting changed. When she was settled on the bed, she looked at Patsy expectantly. 

“Deels is there anything that says you can’t move out of this place?”

“No. I checked into it yesterday. They’re knocking down part of the nurse’s home and those of us who will be displaced are being given a rent allowance. I put my name down for it. I was going to talk to you about it tonight actually.”

“There’s a chance you may not need a rent allowance.”

“Oh?”

“I spoke to my father today, he insists on giving me part of my inheritance now. Something about skirting the ghastly taxes. Anyway, he has a flat in Stepney that he is signing over to me. One of the new ones that went up last year. He apparently bought it as an investment.”

Patsy turned to face her more fully. “He gave me the address and I took the bus over there. It takes roughly 15-20 minutes in the mid-day traffic with stops. The biking route is a little shorter so takes approximately the same amount of time. The building is very nice and clean. I don’t know about the flat given that I won’t get the keys until I sign the papers, but I trust my father’s tastes.”

“So…” She reached out, took Delia’s hand. “Delia, you said you wanted to come home to me. What would you say to this being our flat? Our…home?”

Delia’s face lit up with a smile so bright Patsy felt the butterflies in her stomach turn into a flock of seabirds. She launched herself at Patsy, throwing her arms around her and kissing her soundly. “I think it sounds perfect!” She pulled her in, buried her face in her neck. “Is this really happening?”

Patsy pulled her back by the shoulders to meet her eye to eye. “It’s really happening. I would marry you tomorrow if we were allowed. Since we’re not,” she said, flashing a dimple. “This is what I have to offer.”

Delia kissed her softly. “It’s more than I could have ever hoped for.” 

Patsy took a deep breath. “Okay then, I’ll let my father know that we will take possession of it, and I’ll sign the papers next week.”

“We?” Delia said, with raised eyebrows.

“Yes,” Patsy’s color rose. “He knows about us.”

Delia’s jaw dropped. “How?”

“I really don’t know how he sorted it out. Looking back it seems he’s known about me and my preferences since I was a teen. He never said how he knew, or anything about it directly, but to warn me to be careful.”

Delia snorted. “He doesn’t have to worry about that!”

Patsy pursed her lips, hung her head for a long moment, long enough for Delia to realize that her flippancy hit a painful spot. Her eyes softened, as she reached out and lightly stroked a thumb over Patsy’s face. Patsy turned and kissed Delia’s hand.

Taking a deep breath, she continued. “When he told me he was signing the flat over to me, he talked about hoping that I would be sharing it with someone, so that I wouldn’t be alone.”

“How do you feel about him knowing?”

Patsy shrugged. “Surprisingly enough, it doesn’t scare me.”

“Good,” Delia replied softly. “That’s good.” 

Delia suppressed a yawn and Patsy braced her back against the headboard, pulling Delia with her to settle against her chest. She wrapped her body around her from behind, and sighed when Delia melted into her.

For long minutes they stayed that way, not knowing where one ended, and the other began. Just being together. Patsy laid her cheek against Delia’s hair, and smiled when Delia turned her head and lifted her face for a kiss. Closing her eyes, she settled back against Patsy’s chest. Shifting her back, ever so slightly against the breasts pressed against it. Patsy arched slightly for her. Knowing she loved the contact. Delia had a thing about Patsy’s breasts; she loved feeling of them pressed against her. Or in her hands, or in her mouth, or just in her view. Patsy began to struggle with the thoughts of what Delia loved to do to her. 

“You feel so good!” Patsy whispered to her. “This feels so good.”

“It feels right,” Delia said quietly. 

“Yes,” Patsy skimmed a hand up her side and over her breast. Squeezing just a little, before she let it drop back down and over her stomach to her thighs. 

“You feel so right.” Her breath quickened, as she brought both hands up, lingering over Delia’s breasts this time, flicking a finger   
over each nipple. Delia let out a low moan. 

“You know, we won’t have to worry about locked doors, and interruptions in our new flat.” Patsy told her, taking a handful of breast. Delia squirmed, sucked in her breath. Patsy unbuttoned two buttons for better access and dipped her hands inside against Delia’s skin. “I can touch you.” Squeeze. “And taste you.” Nimble fingers rolled a taut nipple. “I can suck your skin into my mouth. Flick my tongue just the way you like it. And not give one bloody damn about how loud you’ll moan.” 

Her hands dropped lower, moving to Delia’s center, as she hooked her stockinged feet around Delia’s calves and inched her legs apart. Delia lifted her hips, just slightly in invitation. Patsy kept one hand on her breast, and the other snaked down and under Delia’s waist band into her knickers. She moved low, collecting the moisture she knew she would find there. Then grazed her thumb over Delia’s nerves, back and forth, over and over until Delia nearly writhed out of her grasp. She stopped just short of over-sensitizing and dipped two fingers inside her. A moan came from the back of Delia’s throat as Patsy moved in a steady pulsing rhythm. 

“We won’t have any clothes in the way. I can strip you bare, and get dripping wet just looking at your amazing body!” She thrust deeper and Delia clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her cry. “I can bury my mouth between those strong legs and dip my tongue inside you..right…there!” Delia arched. “And there will be no one to come in and stop me.” Thrust. “No one to fear.” Outside pressure from the thumb. “No one to hide from.” 

She pick up the speed, moved her hand from Delia’s breast and pressed her free palm at the apex of her pelvis. “And it won’t just be my hands pressing against you, but my whole, naked, body.” 

Delia pressed her head back against Patsy’s breasts, closed her eyes, and let the fantasy of what they could do together wash over her. “And while I drive you over the edge,” Patsy leaned down so her lips were right next to Delia’s ear, “you can lift your mouth.” Thrust. “And close your lips.” Deep thrust. “Around my breast.”

Delia cried out as her orgasm lifted her clear off of Patsy’s chest! Her muscles clenched and released, clenched harder over Patsy’s fingers as she sobbed and panted. Patsy brought her back down with gentle strokes. When she’d stilled, lying boneless in her lap, Patsy said, “Damn woman! I don’t know that I’ve ever seen anyone sexier than you!”

She knew Delia had come back to herself when a smile broke out on her face. She opened her eyes and looked up at Patsy. 

“Thank you,” she said shyly.

“It’s true Deels. I’ve never seen anything like you…” Patsy leaned down and kissed her. “I love you so very much!”

Delia’s eyes filled. “I can’t wait to start our life together!”

“Neither can I.”

Patsy took a deep breath. “I think it’s time that I go, you need your rest.”

Delia turned over, put her arms around Patsy. “What about you?”

“I’ll live. I’ve already been in here long enough.”

“But…aren’t you hanging?” Delia’s brow creased. 

Patsy’s eyes warmed, and she scooted down in the bed to pull Delia into her arms. She always found it so endearing how vulnerable Delia became after love making. “If you’re asking if touching you had an effect on me, go ahead and see for yourself.”

Delia smiled and slid her hand under Patsy’s skirt. She was soaked. “Pats,” she breathed.

“I know.” She leaned in and kissed her. “You definitely affect me. Don’t ever doubt that! But I want more time with you than I can take right now. So I’m going to control myself, and take a rain check.” She kissed her deeper this time. “Until we are in the flat, and you can have a proper go at me.”

Delia’s eyes sparkled. “Challenge accepted.” 

Patsy grinned, and said, “Get some rest now Sweetheart!” She tucked the covers around Delia, and on wobbly legs, made her way out of the room.

Tomorrow she would call her father and ask him if she could sign those bloody papers. She wasn’t going to wait a week to start her life with Delia! 

End of scene. Good? Bad? This freaking cough that won’t go away? Let me know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stepney was hit hard during the war with almost a full half of the housing being destroyed by bomb raids. A friend of mine lives in Stepney a couple of miles from Poplar. Her flat is in a building that was one of the first to go up in the reconstruction efforts after the war. It was built in 1960.

**Author's Note:**

> I had so many stories in my head after seeing their heartwrenching scene in the alley over society preventing them from getting married. This is the one that came out of my keyboard. I hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> This story is dedicated to my beautiful and talented and oh so sweet wife Nicole Dittrich! Thank you for waiting until we could marry.


End file.
